until now...

in all my years I have never stared into eyes as deep and full as yours and longed to know more. never been asked things that made me boldly share my heart. 

until now...

both of us are conflicted, sending messages that aren't aligned in truth. fear settling within ideals that we've clung to and now that honesty is presented we are prepared to run back to the familiar... 

until now.

to be continued...

...

Even with my distrust

I have hope 

Even as the past tries to keep me hostage

I walk forward 

And even though the present is reality 

I still feel like this is a dream...

Innocence

We lost our innocence long ago, 

after holding hands and kissing led to a deeper longing, a moment that can never be changed, an innocence that cannot be regained even as we dream of times of simplicity and purity, but not of total innocence, we'd rather the feeling of easiness and first loves but are afraid to give new loves any effort, we are so enthralled in yesterday that we are stuck there, never truly moving, holding hands only out of habit, kissing as part of the routine, touching yet secretly lusting for innocence again.

I wish...

I wish I could be 

as courageous as you

loving fearlessly 

obeying your heart 

following the light of your intuition 

crying only when tears are falling 

embracing change

smiling as rain is pouring without regard

and doing it while simply being all of you.

I wish...

Certainty...

Certainty is not arrived at easily

Just as freedom comes at a cost

You must fight for them both

Equally 

Fiercely 

With enthusiasm 

While staying focused 

Moving forward 

With or without those you've always known

Foregoing the status quo

Because when you desire anything

When certainty 

and freedom 

Are the items at hand

The price is worth the risk

And the reward is worth the struggle

blackout poetry - desperation

in my dreams

you crept into my dreams again last night

unsuspecting 

gently 

smiling like you often do

when we are near each other

both

in love

in bliss

happy

causing me to wake with you 

saturating my mind

holding me hostage 

even now

even after all this time

even as another lay gazing into my eyes

his smiles just as sincere

just as hopeful

but his presence still not as close as 

you are when you come to me

in my dreams 

...holding on

I know it's time to let go, but whenever I reminisce about us or see our smiles, life-sized and still, captured forever in that beautiful moment, I can't help but hold on just a little while longer...

searching...

i've found myself searching 

as many others do

head down

eyes closed

only stumbling upon that which i was looking

after i opened my heart

to the possibility of something new

the illusion...

If you ask me how I know

I’m always on your mind

I can tell by the way I call your name by accident when I’m talking about something unrelated 

You know that old saying…

By the energy I feel when I touch a garment you left

When I see our picture and you’re smiling 

incandescently 

at me.

 

That’s how I know 

Even though you’d never admit it

Or never tell your friends

I still believe that I am the only one you dream about.

 

I have no evidence that I scroll steadily through your mind.

You don’t call

Haven’t texted

No email.

No nothing.

Yet I believe

Hope

Pray

That you prove me right

And show me that you're still thinking of me 

As much as I fantasize about you.

writer's block vignette

Below is a link to the 30 second vignette I created for the poem - "writer's block" - from my e-book, for the LOVE...Vol. 2 (available via Amazon or iTunes).

writer's block video

Enjoy!
JNS

as usual...

business 

as 

usual

nothing means more 

no one has an edge

warped reality

fighting for a bigger piece

a greater share

winning nothing

gaining no one

still searching 

for 

more...

Maya...

she gave the world her voice

even when she wasn't speaking.

her words will forever

encourage

teach

and inspire

long after you or i take our last breath.

i recall in my youth, sashaying with an attitude 

in front of a crowded room

no shame,

no fear, 

no regret:

"I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me."

back then i wasn't quite sure but it sounded so good 

made me want to be phenomenal 

and made women everywhere value themselves just a lil bit more.

if we revisit some of those words, i know every stanza in that poem to be true:

"It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,   

The stride of my step,   

The curl of my lips..."

i heard her say, "i do not know what will happen in the next lifetime..." which should make us all be mindful to live in this one.

quintessential,

wise,

beautiful,

all the attributes of a phenomenal woman 

who rose to exuberantly exclaim, I know why the caged bird sings

and whose heart will forever reside in the words she chose to graciously intertwine and deliver to the world. how grateful we should be to have had such a presence...

lines by jns

I have distanced myself from your arms, only to fall uneasily in the direction of those that are further away and may not hold the promise of your strength and protection. It's blind faith, I know, but I'd prefer the arms of the unknown than to wait a lifetime for the hope of truly falling into yours...

heartache...

we've abandoned heartache
and grabbed ahold of solitude,
attempting to feel nothing at all.

imprisoned by tasks.
minimal accomplishments
satisfying false desires.

the scars that cushion our soul
make it hard to recognize the beauty in this pain.

if it was veritable,
if it was reciprocated,
if we were present in each moment,
the experience should still incite a smile.

it should forever remind us of love...

lines by jns...

i am exactly where i want to be.

stepping,

tip-toeing,

easing 

comfortably,

through your mind...

lines by JNS...

sometimes the heart lingers and the mind follows suit [for the heck of it]...i don't trust either. instead i've chosen to only follow you...

laughter...

it came from no where 

like a burst of energy through a dormant body.

tears crept from the corners of closed eyes, 

uncontrollable, 

yearning to find freedom.

hands floundering, 

body barrelled over as if in pain.

sound could not escape. 

shock and disbelief muted everything except the ability to discern 

that whatever i heard 

was funny as hell.

i needed that... 

"if" video

check my video of "If" from my ebook for the LOVE...Vol. 2