stuck in love

I watched an excellent movie this past weekend entitled "Stuck in Love." Besides it being right up my alley as far as "type" of movies I enjoy, I loved some of messages around love... (You know; letting go, being vulnerable, forgiveness, holding on...having faith)

But there was another point made that related to how sometimes we have disdain for people just because of what we think they did to someone else. Many times we live our lives based on the stories we've been told or the things we've seen, meanwhile none of those "things" actually happened to us...by doing so we never move forward and [angrily] walk through life reliving other people's stories. We protect ourselves from something that may never happen and that isn't our story to begin with. 

Whose story are you living?

day 4

...you just have to keep in mind that there's no requirement that the person love you back...

a friend of mine wrote me above last night during a catch up conversation over text messaging. she was talking about falling for someone, wanting to start a life with her (ex) boyfriend and him not feeling the same way...i applaud her. she was the vulnerable one for giving herself to someone who ultimately chose not to give himself back.

as i thought about her statement, i can only think back to my own situations of love not being reciprocated (one fairly recently) and wish that it wasn't so crushing when it happens--for both people. yes it's a part of life, but truth is, it sucks, despite the "someone better will come along" commentary!

my lesson: falling for someone may hurt like hell but you should never regret it especially when you gave it you and when it was honest...besides love isn't what hurts, it the ego-bruising truth of knowing that the love you chose didn't choose you back...

memories...

you remain somewhere planted in my mind. carefully creeping into my thoughts during moments of inconvenience. chance instances when you should be buried deep within some tiny cell beneath forgotten memories. but instead you stay closer to the front of my mind than i'd ever be willing to admit. hoping that you rescue me from this stubborn attempt at being alone. secretly believing that you too have no control over how your mind revisits our days, and nights, together. wondering if those memories which creep into my thoughts more than i'd ever admit, is all we'll ever be...

Innocence...

there was such innocence in the statement 

a naivety that felt childlike

felt like the first time I had heard it

just better

my senses perk each time I rewind the day and listen to your voice

so thankful that your declaration remains in my mind

I love you, is what you said

so casually

it rolling off the tongue intensely yet honestly and sincerely 

my response was silent yet just as pure,

I love you too.

Love...

love is this sought after thing

that's always there 

always radiating

always present

even when we've looked everywhere 

except in our hearts

lines by jns...

for nostalgia sake 

hold me close

and never let go

in my dreams

you crept into my dreams again last night

unsuspecting 

gently 

smiling like you often do

when we are near each other

both

in love

in bliss

happy

causing me to wake with you 

saturating my mind

holding me hostage 

even now

even after all this time

even as another lay gazing into my eyes

his smiles just as sincere

just as hopeful

but his presence still not as close as 

you are when you come to me

in my dreams 

recollection...

do you 

remember it 

the same way 

I do?

plentiful conversations

calming touches

deep kisses

yet 

it was 

beyond 

intimacy

we 

embodied

desire

while

subtly

easily

delicately

F

 A

   L

    L

      I

       N

         G

in 

love

or 

was 

that all 

in my imagination?

MO

your MO

is to linger

keep me 

holding on

to a slipping grip

fingertips

touching

slightly

quietly

reaching 

just enough 

to keep me 

hoping

that you 

will save me

yet 

you have no intentions

of anything more

you just love to linger

it's in your 

DNA 

to never 

fully 

let go

to make me think 

there is a chance

or 

that I mean 

something

to you 

when really

you hold on 

just to say 

you tried 

or 

just in case 

you change your mind

or

until you 

get bored 

and 

finally move on

guess 

this must be 

my MO too

since 

my hands 

also 

reach 

for you

...

we let time go by 

hoping things will change

waiting for memories to fade

yet 

the longer we wait 

the more we allow pride to rule

the more we pretend 

the deeper 

our connection becomes...

all three...

some things 

are better left unsaid 

other things 

should be screamed 

from the bottom of your feet 

to the depths of your heart

and yet 

there are still others

where actions 

are the only 

true form of expression

love is one of those things 

where all three are true

at times 

saying it just isn't enough

other times 

speaking love is everything

and 

at all the times 

showing it is necessary

love 

is classified 

as one of those things 

where all three apply

and

faith is another...

questions?

how does it feel to live like this?

loving from a distance?

half-heartedly seeking?

settling?

ambition driven while harboring measurable loneliness?

strategically pulling away from anyone who gets too close?

loosing friendships?

rarely taking ownership?

expressing just enough truth to sound sincere?

asking for more?

unwilling to recriprocate?

creating memories yet experiencing nothing substantial?

never going deeper?

barely nicking the surface?

committed only to self preservation?

always alone?

how does it feel to be like this?

love like this?

does it feel at all?

...holding on

I know it's time to let go, but whenever I reminisce about us or see our smiles, life-sized and still, captured forever in that beautiful moment, I can't help but hold on just a little while longer...

the illusion...

If you ask me how I know

I’m always on your mind

I can tell by the way I call your name by accident when I’m talking about something unrelated 

You know that old saying…

By the energy I feel when I touch a garment you left

When I see our picture and you’re smiling 

incandescently 

at me.

 

That’s how I know 

Even though you’d never admit it

Or never tell your friends

I still believe that I am the only one you dream about.

 

I have no evidence that I scroll steadily through your mind.

You don’t call

Haven’t texted

No email.

No nothing.

Yet I believe

Hope

Pray

That you prove me right

And show me that you're still thinking of me 

As much as I fantasize about you.

lines by jns

I have distanced myself from your arms, only to fall uneasily in the direction of those that are further away and may not hold the promise of your strength and protection. It's blind faith, I know, but I'd prefer the arms of the unknown than to wait a lifetime for the hope of truly falling into yours...

"if" video

check my video of "If" from my ebook for the LOVE...Vol. 2